Nerves and jitters

51P8BRJt9vL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_Really, I thought I had this under control. It’s my sixth book release. I mean, this isn’t my first rodeo. Maybe this is why I didn’t recognize it.

But yesterday when I snapped at everyone at home for the hundredth time I had to ask myself, “Why am I so miserable when I have no reason to be?”

The answer was simple, “I’m nervous.” Really, really, nervous.

I have a day job and usually it keeps my plenty busy, so busy that sometimes I wish I had the mental space to write. But right now the job just isn’t cutting it with the “busyness” factor.

I seem to have plenty of time to dwell on the many things that are out of my control, especially if the book will have legs. Here is what this vicious circle looks like:

Will people buy the book?

And if they do buy it, will they actually read it? Because I bought that Man Booker prize winning book and I still haven’t read it. It doesn’t mean the book is bad just that people have lives.

And if they buy the book, and read the book – will they like the book? There are plenty of books I read that I don’t like. I’m not going to go and give the book a bad review or anything but if I don’t like it, I sort of check that writer off my mental TBR list.

And if they buy the book, read the book and like it – they like it so much that they go check out my other books – and then the question is, will they buy the book?

And if they do buy…

You see how this works, right? Round and round I go.

So I will drink some wine, paint a new painting and try and rise above the nerves and jitters. If you have other advice, please share by dropping me a line.

Amulya Malladi is currently the nervous writer of her sixth novel, A House for Happy Mothers, which will be released soon as a paperback, eBook and audio book by Lake Union, an imprint of Amazon. You are welcome to read more about her new book and pre-order it as well.